Wait…Don’t Throw in the Towel

We can all feel broken and bruised from time to time. Sometimes to the point where we want to give up – like we don’t have the energy to go another round. 

I’ve experienced this myself and had the opportunity to coach some super smart, passionate and tenacious colleagues on this very topic. We’ve spent lots of time talking about perseverance and resilience when it comes to overcoming obstacles – both personally and professionally. 

Our worlds are ever changing and we’re all striving to be better, make an impact and be valued for our efforts. When you have bold ambitions and ideas, it’s rarely an easy road to success. It usually includes a lot of ups, downs and crazy curves. 

I truly believe that if we embrace our struggles, they will make us stronger, wiser and more confident.

When you’re “in it”, it can feel like you’re constantly pushing a boulder uphill. And if we have the right level of self-confidence, self-esteem and self-awareness (Siebert, 2005), we can always find the will to get back in the ring, dodge a few jabs and take another swing. 

Resilience is defined as “the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.” So let’s do this….

Be patient – After experiencing a set back, step away and take a breath. It’s important to give yourself time to recover, reset and consider tackling the problem from a different angle. Lasting success doesn’t happen overnight. 

Remember it’s a hero’s journey – Be the protagonist in your own story. Like every hero, you need to be pushed outside your comfort zone, find allies, face the dragon, overcome crises and know that you’ll prevail in the end. 

Don’t take it personally – Resistance is rarely about you. Challenge yourself to think about the situation logically, be aware of your own emotional triggers and find a way to respond more clearly vs. giving in to a fight/flight/freeze/fawn reaction (a.k.a. amygdala hijack).

Avoid victimhood – It’s not healthy to pass off responsibility to others and expect them to solve our problems. Make sure you understand your role and how you’re contributing to the success/failure of any situation. Even if an outcome is not your fault, there’s an opportunity for you to learn, grow and get better (Manson, 2016).

Control the controllable – We have to recognize and accept the things we cannot change. The serenity prayer is no joke! Only focus on things you have the power to influence. That means you might have to workaround rules, people or constructs that you don’t like.

Know when to get in the ring – There’s no need to wear yourself down by fighting every time you’re faced with a new challenge. Choose your battles wisely and save your energy for what really matters. It’s okay (and better for your mental wellness) to let some things go. 

“Only a man who knows what it is like to be defeated can reach down to the bottom of his soul and come up with the extra ounce of power it takes to win when the match is even.” – Muhammad Ali

References

Siebert, A. (2005, May 10). The Resiliency Advantage: Master Change, Thrive Under Pressure, and Bounce Back from Setbacks (1st ed.). Berrett-Koehler Publishers.

Manson, M. (2016, September 13). The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life (2nd Edition). Harper.