Make Time for Coffee

Do you ever have the best intentions to schedule time with someone and then never follow through? From my experience, these moments represent missed opportunities to drive real value from the connections we make in life.

Dr. Brene Brown defines connection “as the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgement; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.”

For me, this happens every time I schedule a coffee date. Lately, as the date comes to an end, I find myself saying “I really enjoyed being in your space today”. And it’s true. Being in the presence of someone I genuinely respect and appreciate gives me joy. It centres me. Rejuvenates me in a way that I can’t perfectly explain…and offers the best kind of reset on whatever might be troubling me.

Sounds great. But how do you make time in your busy schedule to connect with people?

Add it to your “to do” list. Make it a priority. Send an invite. Don’t cancel.

It doesn’t have to be coffee. Find what works for you – maybe it’s a patio after work, a walk in the park, a game of golf or a Zoom meeting (although in-person is way better). As Nike says, “just do it”, you’ll be glad you did, and you can thank me later.

This isn’t fluff. The term “work” is literally embedded in networking. And I can assure you, the effort and time spent always pays off. Tapping into a variety of personal contacts allows us to gain valuable insights, improve our capacity to innovate, and achieve greater personal success (Ibarra & Hunter, Harvard Business Review).

Everyone can benefit from networking, but for women, creating a network of peers that we can tap into is even more important. As we strive to advance in our careers, we face cultural and systemic hurdles that pose unique challenges. Booking dedicated time creates a safe space for other women who have been there, done that, to share their experiences, validate our concerns and offer sound advice (Zalis, Forbes).

Yes, it’s an investment, it requires planning, and it’s worth it. It’s about creating those mutually beneficial relationships that offer a healthy balance of give and take. Here are a few of the benefits I look for in a good coffee date:

Renewed Energy – Sometimes it’s hard to gear up and face what’s next. Breaking the monotony of our regular schedule can provide the recharge we need to come back stronger.

Encouragement – When feelings of self-doubt creep in, we need people who know us best and/or can see us objectively to be our cheerleaders and reassure us that we’re on the right track.

Sense of Belonging – Connecting with like-minded people can give us a sense of acceptance and inclusion. Bringing our whole and authentic self to every conversation is key.

Sage Advice – We all have business or personal problems we’re trying to solve, bouncing ideas off people with diverse, unbiased, and credible perspectives can provide real insight.

Blow Off Steam – Life is not perfect. We all need to say, “what the hell?” sometimes. Having an unfiltered conversation with a trusted confidant can help relieve the pressure.

“Only through our connectedness to others can we really know and enhance the self. And only through working on the self can we begin to enhance our connectedness to others” – Harriet Lerner

References

Zalis, S. (2019). Power Of The Pack: Women Who Support Women Are More Successful. Forbes. Retrieved May 23, 2022 from https://www.forbes.com/sites/shelleyzalis/2019/03/06/power-of-the-pack-women-who-support-women-are-more-successful/?sh=565571011771

Ibarra, H., & Hunter, ML (2007, January). How Leaders Create and Use Networks. Harvard Business Review. Retrieved May 24, 2022, from https://hbr.org/2007/01/how-leaders-create-and-use-networks